Ashamed of the Pain

I talk about my injury with people everywhere I go, and I hear this often: “You’re easy to talk to, but I don’t know what to say to most people in wheelchairs. They seem angry. How do you do so well?”

Honestly, I only do well sometimes. I have to face my enemies every day.


I had just accepted the unconditional love and forgiveness Jesus offers eight months before I drove through an intersection and under a logging truck.

After coming home from rehabilitation at Shepherd Center in Atlanta, GA, I felt worthless. I refused help from everyone but my family. I sat day after day, and year after year, with my eyes closed. Sometimes I was asleep, but mostly I was hiding.

I was ashamed of the pain I caused my family and friends. I prayed God would take me home. I can’t describe the depth of my pain, guilt, depression, and frustration of facing life dependent on other people.

Today I can tell you, “God is good!” He uses people like you every day of my life to bless and minister to me. A Sunday school teacher invited me to teach once a month. The church secretary asked me to write for the newsletter. Friends asked questions and I began telling what God was doing in my life.

Do I believe Gods will for me is healing? Yes. Does that mean complete healing of my earthly body? I don't know. I do know I’ll have a glorified body in heaven. Today I have continuous healing of my mind, body, soul, and spirit. I no longer live in guilt but in the joy of my Lord and Savior.

Through Jesus life, death and resurrection I have been made whole.

I pray my testimony blesses you. Though we may never meet here on earth, we are all sisters and brothers in Christ Jesus and heirs of the Kingdom of God.

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.” (2 Corinthians 1:3-6 NIV.)

In Christ,

Berta  

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Photo, A Dry and Barren Land, courtesy of iStock

Planting Seeds

Looking back over my life, I see God’s hand in every day, even before I knew Him.

Though I had made a profession of faith in my twenty’s, I was far from Christ. I felt I was drowning in a sea of personal sin I didn’t dare share with my Christian friends.

Fear of their judgement scared me in to my own private hell.

Then I went to a retreat where I heard Christians talk about their sins and God’s forgiving heart. My shell shattered and I cried out to Him and found freedom in the love and forgiveness He held for me. I made a promise then, “I’m going to tell everyone I meet about Jesus.” And I did. Friends turned away and “perceived enemies” became brothers and sisters.

Eight months later an accident severed my spinal cord. I came home weak and weary six months and nine days after my injury. My power wheelchair had one true asset then—it reclined. I withdrew from life, laid back and hid behind veiled eyes. I refused to face my future.

The cost was high in body, mind and spirit, but God’s blessings are phenomenal. In His infinite wisdom, He prepared the way. Earl had served as a hospital chaplain on a reconstructive surgery floor where many of the patients had a spinal cord injury. In rehab, the staff taught us how to take care of me at home. According to them, I would live to within five years of my natural lifespan if I had something to look forward to and got out of the house routinely.

Earl took me on nearly every pastoral visit and preachers meeting he went to, but I just leaned back in my wheelchair with my eyes closed. He encouraged me to keep a journal and try teaching Sunday school. He loved me even when I failed.

As I filled those roles with study and preparation, I learned more than I taught. I read the story about how David sinned but was a man after God’s heart.* Job lost everything yet said, “Though He slay me, yet I will trust Him.”** I began sharing my story of God’s faithfulness again and grew stronger in my faith each time. I wrote my brief story and passed it out as a tract to everyone who spoke to me.

While in a small group studying Steve Harper's Devotional Life in the Wesleyan Tradition many years later, a friend pointed out my seemingly fearless sharing of my faith. I made light of it, “I just tell what God has done for me, but I’ve never led anyone to accept Christ.”

She said, “You may not have, but you have planted many seeds. You may never know until you get to heaven how many people are there because of your testimony.”

Those words have encouraged me to be bold as I tell my stories of His faithfulness to friends and strangers. Old and young. Churched and un-churched. In stores, in doctors offices or on the telephone with sales associates. Earl says, “Imagine that, Berta’s talking.”

Jesus tells us to make disciples. You too can plant and water to prepare hearts for God’s harvest. Trust Him and tell what He has done for you.

Paul wrote, “I planted, Apollos watered, but God gave the growth.” (1 Corinthians 3:6 NRSV).

In Christian Love,

Berta

*Acts 13:22 KJV

**Job 13:15 KJV

God's Timing

Do you ever feel like God has forgotten you? Or forgotten a promise He made to you? I have. A few months before my injury I attended a spiritual gifts workshop. We filled out surveys then broke into small groups. My group determined my gift was “healing,” a repeated theme in my spiritual walk that I had ignored because everyone knew I was a nurse. That day I believed it and it scared me.

I talked to a friend who listened and prayed with me. When he got up to leave he said, “You have to be healed before you can heal.”

I didn’t understand. I wasn’t sick.

After my injury, I believed God would heal me instantly—so I could begin my healing ministry.

God’s timing is not our timing. It requires us to persevere in our trusting God. This may mean years of patience and longsuffering. What gives us strength to wait upon the Lord? We must focus on His promises and the fulfillment of them. We must be careful not to go before Him as Abraham and Sarah did (Genesis 16 NIV).

God will do His part but we are responsible to do ours. We must move in great faith, being ready to answer His call. Remember that acting in faith builds faith. God starts us with small things, and if He finds us trustworthy, He will give us authority over many things (Matthew 25:23).

There will be battles. Satan will try to steal our destinies. Trials and travail bring us to new levels in our walk with Christ. We must recognize our need for help, humble ourselves and ask for prayer, counsel, and encouragement.

Stand together with your brothers and sisters in Christ knowing He is with you carrying you when needed. He promises that He will never leave you or forsake you (Hebrews 13:5).

His timing may surprise you today.

“To everything there is a season, A time for every purpose under heaven: A time to be born, And a time to die; A time to plant, And a time to pluck what is planted; A time to kill, And a time to heal; A time to break down, And a time to build up; A time to weep, And a time to laugh; A time to mourn, And a time to dance; A time to cast away stones, And a time to gather stones; A time to embrace, And a time to refrain from embracing; A time to gain, And a time to lose; A time to keep, And a time to throw away; A time to tear, And a time to sew; A time to keep silence, And a time to speak; A time to love, And a time to hate; A time of war, And a time of peace” (Ecclesiastes 3:1-8).

“Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings (1 Peter 5:8-9 NIV).

In Christian Love,

Berta

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God's Plan

The New Year had come and I was driving to meet my Emmaus reunion group. The next thing I remember was my husband, Earl, telling me, “You were in an accident.” I’d been in the hospital for seven weeks with a spinal cord injury. Paralyzed and on a ventilator, I had little to look forward to.

After three months in ICU, Earl had me transferred to a rehabilitation hospital that focused on spinal cord injuries. I felt comfortable there, surrounded by others in wheelchairs with injuries like mine. Yet once at home, I felt lost. Who am I? A pastor’s wife? A mother? A nurse? I’d had those roles before the accident. 

“God, why did you let this happen?” I prayed. “I’m a Christian. I read my Bible. I go to Sunday school and Bible study.”

Rather than answer me directly, God spoke through the people of God.

The church we were serving, Pleasant Grove United Methodist Church, remodeled the parsonage, held fundraisers and gave me time to recuperate. The churches in our Conference, and people everywhere, who had heard about my accident, prayed and took up special offerings for us. Strangers visited, prayed with me and lay down checks. 

Each new appointment fell heavy on my heart. Another remodel and the pressure of learning new names to place with new faces overwhelmed me. But God blessed me as He gave me a ministry at each new church. 

At our second church, Maple Spring UMC, I tried my hands at teaching Sunday school. At the third, East Dyersburg UMC, I wrote for the church newsletter, taught Sunday school and started a telephone ministry with women who had difficulty getting to church. While serving our fourth church, Concord UMC, I added many areas of ministry within the local church, the district and the conference.

God’s love and the continued prayer and encouragement of you who are reading this carry me through the hard times. Today my life is everything I thought it couldn’t possibly be.

“Many, Lord my God, are the wonders you have done, the things you planned for us. None can compare with you; were I to speak and tell of your deeds, they would be too many to declare” (Psalm 40:5 NIV).

In Christian Love,

Berta

Please take a moment to read about God's love for orphans and pray for the Flowers family as they move through the adoption process to bring their son home from El Salvador. www.facebook.com/Bringing.Carlos.home

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His Intent

 

 

"Though he slay me, yet will I trust in him" Job 13:15 KJV

 

Two weeks on bedrest after I had surgery to close a small pressure sore had passed slowly, and I expected good news from my surgeon.

 

On arrival in the clinic, a nurse looked at, measured and took a picture of the incision. “Well there are six sutures, but it looks like it doesn’t want to stick together.” My heart sank for a few minutes. Then, while talking to God, I knew I’d make it through whatever the doctor deemed necessary.

 

When he came in and looked at the incision, he agreed with the nurse. His solution: add four sutures. Before he spoke again I said, “Doc, do you think it would help if I stay in bed longer?” He said, “It would probably help.”

 

So back on bed rest for two more weeks, I read my devotion from “Joni and Friends.” It began:

 

"His intent was that now, through the church, the manifold wisdom of God should be made known to the rulers and authorities in the heavenly realm." Ephesians 3:10

 

The powers and principalities, all the heavenly hosts and the dark rulers of the universe, millions of unseen beings are intensely interested to see just how "able" God is to sustain the weak and the weary.

 

Ephesians 3:10 tells us that God teaches the unseen world all about Himself, and He does it using you and me as His audio-visual aids. We are used of the Lord to show the universe how great, awesome, and wonderful God and His grace are.*

 

There’s more but you can see the power of God that changed my outlook yesterday. Reading this note from Joni opened my eyes again to God’s unchanging faithfulness.

 

Are you where God can use you to teach the unseen (and seen) world about His love, power, and grace?

 

In Christian Love,

Berta

 

*Taken from More Precious Than Silver. Copyright © 1998 by Joni Eareckson Tada. www.joniandfriends.org

 

Have You Ever Been Compared?

After returning home from rehab at Shepherd Spinal Center in Atlanta, GA, in June 1991, Earl’s dad gave me a movie titled “Joni.” He told me she had broken her neck and severed her spinal cord in a diving accident when 17. A quadriplegic, she had shattered myths about living with a disability and excelled in Christian ministry.

As soon as we got away I said, “Earl, I don’t care about Joni. I’m not her!” Earl placed the video on a shelf in his office. He’d mention it to me occasionally. Each time, my thoughts went to Joni’s success. How could I compare to her? He told me many times, “Berta, you’re no more Joni Eareckson Tada than I am Billy Graham.”

Fast forward to June 1994, Earl and I attended a conference for evangelism where both Billy Graham and Joni would be speaking. When we registered for the conference, I didn’t sign up for Joni’s workshops.

As we waited for Dr. Graham to speak in the auditorium the first evening, someone touched my shoulder. Surprised, I looked over to see Joni. I smiled and we focused on Dr. Graham. As he closed, I turned to talk to Joni—she had left. Disappointed, I asked myself, “What’s the big deal? You didn’t want to meet her anyway.”



www.joniandfriends.org/

 

                                           ~     ~     ~

Well, I did attend Joni’s workshops, and she invited Earl to take a picture of the two of us. Throughout the week, as I wheeled through the displays, several people asked, “Are you Joni?” With joy in my heart I responded, “No, but she’s here.”

One table held a Bible near enough for me to open. It was a spiral-bound, NIV, hardcover with large print, which made the text easy to read. The Bibles’ spiral binding allowed it to lie flat on the table and made it easy to handle. It contained the New Testament and Psalms, and Joni had written an introduction to each book. How perfect for me!

I tried to purchase the Bible but learned it was for display only.

The last afternoon, I went outside to warm up in the sun. A shadow fell across my face and I sat up. “Excuse me, mam. I’d like to give you this Bible.” Yes. God is good. I received that special gift with delight from a friend I did not want.

“Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it” (1 Corinthians 12:27 NIV).

In Christian Love,
Berta

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He Loves Me

Before I met Jesus, I met Earl and I wasn’t happy to find out he was a Christian and a chaplain. As our relationship grew, some of my old ways fell away by thoughts of pleasing him. He never pushed religion; he just loved me. When he proposed, I would’ve married him that day. I made a profession of faith and was baptized before we married—because I thought a preacher’s wife should be baptized—but I brought a truckload of baggage into our marriage.

More than four difficult years later, I talked to Jesus about my sinful past. He healed my broken heart and I accepted His forgiveness. My life changed—for a few months. I prayed again and again for deliverance from sins and guilt I’d held on to. Then one day Earl said, “Berta, you’re in ICU. You had a wreck, and you’re paralyzed from your neck down.”

Though unable to do anything for myself, I continued to desire those now unattainable sins. As my body healed and my strength increased, I began to study and even teach God’s word. I learned many things:

• He didn’t cause my injury
• He didn’t rejoice in my injury
• He allowed my injury
• He sent His Son to redeem me
• He had a plan for my life
• He disciplines those He loves
• He loves me!

I pray for God’s strength and leading every day as He uses my physical disability to bring me through to the spiritual life he desires for me.

“Before I was afflicted I went astray, but now I obey your word...It was good for me to be afflicted so that I might learn your decrees” (Psalm 119:67, 71).

In Christian Love,
Berta

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My Hiding Place

I talk about my injury with people everywhere I go, and I hear this often: “You’re easy to talk to, but I don’t know what to say to most people in wheelchairs. They seem angry. How do you do so well?”

Honestly, I only do well sometimes. I have to face my enemies every day. I had just accepted the unconditional love and forgiveness Jesus offers eight months before I drove through an intersection and under a logging truck.

After coming home from rehabilitation at Shepherd Center in Atlanta, GA, I felt worthless. I refused help from everyone but my family. I sat day after day, and year after year, with my eyes closed. Sometimes I was asleep, but mostly I was hiding. I was ashamed of being an invalid and prayed God would take me home. I can’t describe the depth of my pain, guilt, depression, and frustration of facing life as a quadriplegic.

I can tell you, “God is good!” He uses people like you every day of my life to bless and minister to me. A Sunday school teacher invited me to teach once a month. The church secretary asked me to write for the newsletter. Friends asked questions and I began telling what God was doing in my life.

Do I believe Gods will for me is healing? Yes. Does that mean complete healing of my earthly body? I know I’ll have a glorified body in heaven, but today I have healing of my mind, my soul, and my spirit. I’m no longer “in-valid.” I’m a person—a wife, mother, sister, and friend—with a disability.

I pray my testimony blesses you. Though we may never meet here on earth, we are all sisters and brothers in Christ Jesus and heirs of the Kingdom of God.

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.” (2 Corinthians 1:3-6 NIV.)

In Christian Love,
  Berta
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Going On To Perfection

I received a new power wheelchair recently. I get a new one every five years and this is my fifth. It made me think about the struggles I’ve had over the years. My first one, back in 1991, felt like an ugly monster truck. Huge, black, and belt driven, it had pneumatic tires that burst at the worst times. I spent many hours in it asleep or pretending to sleep. I didn’t like my self-image and I withdrew.

The second chair was a different model and built by a small vendor just getting started. It had structural problems from the beginning and caused me physical pain and emotional stress. I took my anger out on my family.

My third chair was to be the same model and I anticipated five more years of misery. I pointed out problem areas to the new provider. He listened and soon I had my chair. He walked me through the computer technology setting speed levels from indoor polite to outdoor racing. It was much better and I began to take comfort in my independence. I opened up and began reaching out in our Church and our community.

Five years later, I called him again, “My chair is worn out. Will you build me another just like it?” He delivered a chair that was a clone. It was as if time had stood still, but new friends helped me develop a positive attitude and strong ministry.

This fifth chair took eight month’s from prescription to delivery, and I admit I was getting anxious. The same provider assured me it would be worth the wait. It was. It’s compact. Sleek with clean, fresh, black paint, and more power and technology, it is an extension of my body.

My life, my attitude, and my faith developed slowly but steadily as I experienced each change in my physical surroundings. From depression and anger, to acceptance and genuine surprise at the beauty I see in my wheelchair and myself.

Ephesians 4:13...until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ.

In Christ Alone,

Berta

New Life

Hospitalized after a serious injury I developed pneumonia. A culture of my secretions grew out MRSA (mer-sa) and the nurses moved me to an isolation room. My doctors said that if I lived I would have brain damage, be bedridden, and ventilator dependent. They told my husband that he was too young to be stuck with an invalid wife and they offered to let me die—comfortably, of course. My husband, remembering his wedding vows, chose life for me, and had me transferred to a rehabilitation hospital in Atlanta, GA.

As spring arrived, I had a birds-eye view of treetops outside my second floor isolation room window. Spring had always been my favorite season and I watched tender red shoots and buds appear on tiny limbs, followed by the smallest pairs of green leaves. Those signs of new life brought me comfort and encouragement.

However, one tree didn’t grow new branches or buds. Each day it was the same ash gray color and I decided that it was dead. I told everyone who came to see me that I wished someone would cut it down so I wouldn’t have to look at it.

Then one sunny morning I saw tiny pairs of green leaves on that dead tree. I began to weep as I realize what I’d been saying about that tree was what the doctors had said about me. I knew then God was with me, telling me my life wasn’t over.

“To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven” (Ecclesiastes 3:1 NKJV).

In Christ Alone,
Berta

A Crown of Thorns

After my accident in 1991, I remember:

When I looked up, all I could see was a black metal circle and two screws sticking out of my forehead. There were two more screws behind my ears. We called it my "crown of thorns." Four bars connected the circle to a leather vest. It had kept my neck still for three months so the broken bones could fuse.

One day, a doctor I'd never seen before came into my room and said, "I'm going to remove your halo screws today. The x-rays they took yesterday show the bones in your neck are fused. When was your vest taken off and the cervical collar put on?"

"Yesterday, after the x-rays," I whispered through my tracheostomy.

"Good," she said. Showing me a wrench she'd brought in she continued, "Now this won't hurt."

At first, all I felt was pressure as each screw was turned, but it must have looked awful because my sister, Bobbi, was sitting on the floor in front of me holding my hand and crying.

"Ouch!" It was hurting.

Nobody was paying attention to me. Finally, Bobbi felt me move my hand, looked up and saw my distress.

"My hair!" I mouthed.

Some hair had twisted around the screw and the doctor didn't know what to do. "I can't screw it back in."

"Cut it!" I cried.

A few minutes later, "Well the last screw is out. How does that feel?"

The pain and muscle spasms in my neck were unbelievable. I had to lean back and let the headrest on my wheelchair support me. Frustrated, I couldn't understand why this was happening to me.

As I sat in tears, God reminded me it was Good Friday. Traditionally, it was the day Jesus' Crown of Thorns was placed on His head. - Today mine was removed.

Surely he took up our infirmities and carried our sorrows, yet we considered him stricken by God, smitten by him, and afflicted. But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed. (Isaiah 53:4-5 NIV)

My crown of thorns was insignificant. His Crown of Thorns was my healing.

In Christ Alone,
Berta

An Equipped Saint

My response to a seminary students request for information about how I do disability ministry:

I’m not an ordained pastor, but I am a minister of the gospel of Jesus Christ.

When I met Earl, I didn’t know Jesus and had no desire to meet Him. I continued to fight His presence the first four years of our marriage. Then I went on a Walk to Emmaus where I accepted Jesus’ love and forgiveness. Eight months later, I was paralyzed in an accident.

After rehabilitation at the number one spinal cord injury rehab in the United States, I became very depressed. I withdrew for hours, sleeping or just hiding behind veiled eyes.

When Earl took me out I couldn’t handle the stares, the “I’m so sorry,” and the patting on my shoulders. Servers in restaurants wouldn’t give me a menu and asked Earl, “What does she want?” without looking at me. I took my anger out on my family and friends. (Today we joke about the “spirit of slap” that came over me.)

I begged God, “Please, at least heal my hands so I can take care of myself.” Instead, He began a ministry of teaching and speaking to small groups.

A monthly Sunday school teaching led to teaching every Sunday. A young women’s Bible study, a weekly prayer group, and a daily telephone ministry with women who couldn’t attend Church followed. Soon I was president of the women’s group, chair of the evangelism committee, and chaired the conference-level disability team.

I’m a certified lay speaker and have filled the pulpit, testified before both large and small groups, and spoken before the pastors, laypersons and members of our regional conference.

Acceptance not just of my disability but also my abilities came through ministry to others and by allowing others to minister to me. I’m well known in my Church and secular communities for telling people what Jesus has done for me.

"And He Himself gave some to be apostles, some prophets, some evangelists, and some pastors and teachers, for the equipping of the saints for the work of ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ, for the equipping of the saints for the work of ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ, till we all come to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to a perfect man, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ;" Ephesians 4:11-14

In Christ Alone,
Berta

The Incarnation

This Christmas was difficult. I wasn't in the mood to celebrate. I didn't feel joyful. I felt Heaven's Loss.* I wept as I saw images of the incarnate Jesus wrapped in swaddling cloth and lying in a manger. Oh, the glory He left to redeem God's creation! The burden I felt did not lift as I prayed for understanding and talked with my husband, Earl.

I sobbed more deeply than ever before as the pain reached way into my spirit. I listened to friends mourning the loss of loved ones and saw sorrow in the eyes of a sister in Christ. There were many suffering trials.

I found a quiet place where I could think, meditate and pray. It was a balm to my spirit and I remembered my return home after my injury in 1991. To allow people to care for me was very difficult. I hated that I was dependent on others. Having someone bathe and dress me, pick me up and place me in my wheelchair, then feed me made me feel helpless, like a baby. Children often asked, "Why are you in a stroller"? Adults asked, "Oh. Can I feed her?" Others said, "I'm so sorry you have to be in that wheelchair."

I cried. I begged God to heal me.

Jesus prayed, "“My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will” (Matthew 26:39 NIV).

Sunday, January 1, 2011, will be the 21st anniversary of my spinal cord injury. I still can't walk, shower, dress, etc., but my spirit knows healing. It came through faith and your ministry to me and evolved into my own ministry of healing through God's calling and your faith and encouragement.

Today I teach about my disability and share my story and my faith wherever God opens a door.

In Christ Alone,
Berta

*Print by Ron DiCianni referred to last month.

Comment by Earl-
Incarnation, for God to be "in the flesh," meant Jesus not only felt what we felt, HE risked what we risk. Death, disease, disability became very possible with Incarnation. Hebrews 13:3 brings home this point about you and I being incarnate, when we are advised, "Remember the prisoners as if chained with them; those who are mistreated; since you yourselves are in the body also." (NKJV)

To What Are You Called?

Reading about Jabez in Charles Swindoll’s study guide, Old Testament Characters, really got my attention. He titled this chapter, Jabez: Disabled But Not Disqualified. My first thought: “Was Jabez disabled?” Of course, I was looking at the physical. He wasn’t born blind or deaf. He could walk, run, even leap. He didn’t have a withered hand and yes, he was in his right mind. Where was his disability?

The author began with the physical as well. He compared Olympic athletes. Each prepared for their specific area of ability. Swimming. Running. Gymnastics. Not one disability.

So, what was Jabez’ disability? I read those two verses that tell us all we know about Jabez:

“Now Jabez was more honorable than his brothers, and his mother called his name Jabez, saying, ‘Because I bore him in pain.’ And Jabez called on the God of Israel saying, ‘Oh, that You would bless me indeed, and enlarge my territory, that Your hand would be with me, and that You would keep me from evil, that I may not cause pain!’ So God granted him what he requested.” (1 Chronicles 4:9-10 NKJV).

I still didn’t get it. I saw that his mother “bore him in pain.” I thought about it. Maybe his gestation was arduous or his delivery painful. Maybe he was another mouth to feed in a poor, already full house. So, was he small? Hungry? Mistreated? Turn the page:

His name, Jabez, meant “pain.” Whatever caused his mother to name him “Pain,” he lived every day with a reminder that he was a distress. He asked God to keep him from evil so he wouldn’t cause pain.

Next, Jabez’ reputation: verse 9 begins: “Now Jabez was more honorable than his brothers ....” More honorable. He rose above the name that seemed should tear him down and God was able to use him in his specific calling.

Dr. Swindoll then quoted Charles Spurgeon:
‘“It will sometimes happen that where there is the most sorrow in the antecedents, there will be the most pleasure in the sequel. As the furious storm gives place to the clear sunshine, so the night of weeping precedes the morning of joy. Sorrow the harbinger; gladness the prince it ushers in .... More honourable than his brethren was the child whom his mother bore with sorrow .... The honour [Jabez] enjoyed would not have been worth having if it had not been vigorously contested and equitably won.’”
That’s where the author got me! My entire study time focused on “Where is his disability?” My self-righteous indignation as a person with a disability had clouded my perspective! I had quietly known it was there. I would think things like, “I shouldn’t always look for disabilities when a car parks in a disabled space, but ....”

My faith rose through the cloud as I faced my prejudice: I’m not special because I’m disabled. I’m special because I’m a child of the living God. Forgiven and set free. And God has been able to use me in His specific calling on my life.

“‘The honour [Jabez] enjoyed would not have been worth having if it had not been vigorously contested and equitably won.’”

He called me to be a person who would boldly proclaim what He does for me.

In Christ Alone,
Berta

Charles R. Swindoll, Old Testament Characters Bible Study Guide (1986 pgs. 51-52)
Charles H. Sturgeon, The Treasury of the Bible (Grand Rapids, MI,: Zondervan Publishing House, 1968), vol. 2, p. 1.